Musk and Trump update their relationship status to “its complicated”

And Trump side chick Gavin Newsom declares they’re never getting back together…like ever

and

Jun 11, 2025

Turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you

I once got back together with a guy after I Venmo-requested $1800 from him for “therapy.” He never paid up, though I maintain that after the second breakup, he definitely owed me. Anyway, Elon is trying to one-up me: after announcing to the entire world that our President is a pedo, he wants back in. Or, I assume he does. In the middle of the night, Elon X-ed out: “I regret some of my posts about President @realDonaldTrump last week. They went too far.” Maybe the Adderall wore off, or maybe he was just so inspired by Trump turning Los Angeles into a combat zone? In today’s newsletter, we’ll get into Trump’s continued authoritarian crackdown, the political situation in Poland, as well as the rise in death penalty convictions, a TikToker arrested, Aaron Rodgers’ love life, and more.

Curfew in effect in LA

As Trump continued to inflame tensions nationwide, LA got the teenager treatment. Yesterday, Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass imposed an 8 p.m. curfew on downtown Los Angeles, the area where the protests have been concentrated. This came as police carried out “mass arrests” of protesters, with over 200 arrested on Tuesday, even before the curfew kicked in. Here’s what else is going on:

Local officials are standing by their assessment: Trump is blowing the situation way out of control by activating the National Guard and Marines. In a televised speech last night, California Govenor Gavin Newsom said: “This is about all of us. This is about you. California may be first, but it will not be the last. Other states are next. Democracy is next. Democracy is under assault before our eyes. This moment we have feared has arrived. Authoritarian regimes begin by targeting people who are least able to defend themselves. But they do not stop there.”
Sending the military to LA is expected to cost taxpayers about $134 million. Surely there’s something better to spend the money on, like throwing it into the ocean.
Despite the price tag, Drunk Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth defended the deployment of federal troops, indicating Trump would be doing this kind of thing more often. Unfortunately, I believe him.
Speaking of, Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced he’s also deploying the Texas National Guard to several locations across the state.
Protests continue to take place around the country, with many more planned this weekend to counter Trump’s birthday military parade. Trump has threatened anyone who wants to protest the parade, saying they would be met with “very big force.” Authoritarianism, but with a four-year-old’s vocabulary.
In brighter news, Trump’s border czar Tom Homan complained that the protests are making ICE raids more “difficult.” Get itttttt. Read more.

Death Penalty Week:

Trump turns 79 Saturday, and he’s getting his dream birthday week: a slew of executions around the country. Yesterday in Florida, Anthony Wainwright – a man convinced of raping and killing a woman 30 years ago – received a lethal injection. In Alabama, Gregory Hunt, convicted of killing a woman in 1988, was put to death with nitrogen gas. In South Carolina, Stephen Stanko – convicted of the 1997 murder of Laura Ling – is set to be executed Friday, though his legal team is still trying to have it delayed. And an Oklahoma man was set to be executed on Thursday, but on Monday, a judge granted him a stay of execution. Even with the stay, it’s been a pretty busy week in the “government-sponsored death” department.

We shouldn’t be too surprised, though; executions are picking up steam during this administration. There were 25 executions total in 2024, compared to 23 already this year (including Stanko’s on Friday). More are likely coming: Attorney General Pam Bondi has said that the Department of Justice will look into bolstering the federal death penalty. And after Biden commuted the death sentences of 37 people on federal death row, Trump urged local prosecutors to bring state charges against these defendants to reinstate their sentences. Ugh, why do they always reboot lame shit like the death penalty and Harry Potter? Can’t somebody reboot something good, like My So-Called Life? Read more.

“A Spirit Airlines passenger called in a fake bomb threat after missing his flight to LA. Lol, cute that you think that would stop Spirit. Not when they could just charge an extra $400 to cover the cost of scanning everyone’s luggage again.”

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

Poland’s government wins vote of confidence

If you asked me to vote on whether or not I had confidence in our government, I would laugh at you. And then, I would vote no. Unfortunately, I don’t have the chance, but our friends in Poland will. Here’s the situation: a few weeks ago, the right-wing Trump-backed populist Karol Nawrocki narrowly won the presidential election. Well, I say “narrowly” – he got 50.89%, which is larger than the percentage Trump got in 2024. And as anyone who follows him on Truth Social knows, that was the greatest landslide in human history.

Moving on, Nawrocki’s victory came as an unwelcome surprise to Poland’s centrist Prime Minister Donald Tusk (I can’t with the name), who now has to work with him. But this wasn’t Tusk’s only problem: he also faced calls to step down as he’d been unable to deliver on a few key promises, such as expanding abortion rights. And so, Tusk scheduled today’s confidence vote for his government to demonstrate that they “understand the gravity of the moment, but that we do not intend to take a single step back.” Earlier today, Tusk survived the vote, which means he’s expected to continue as PM during a critical time for the European nation. Specifically, with regard to Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and concerns that Poland might be next. Why is it that the leader getting replaced is never Putin… Read more.

ON OUR RADAR

According to the World Bank, global economic growth is on track for its weakest outlook since – wait for it – the 1960s. Okay if our economy is back in the sixties, I’m going full flower girl. But just the drugs part.
Dem Mikie Sherrill and Republican Jack Ciattarelli won last night’s NJ gubernatorial primaries.
After two days of negotiations, Trump has confirmed that China tariffs will stay high. Cool…
Trump says he wants to phase out FEMA after the 2025 hurricane season, which the current FEMA director didn’t know existed.
The new Health & Human Services budget proposes cutting 988, a suicide hotline service for LGBTQ+ youth.
ABC has said that Terry Moran, the journalist suspended for calling Stephen Miller a “world-class hater”, wouldn’t be coming back. Sorry but isn’t a journalist’s job to speak the truth??
The most popular TikToker in the world, Khaby Lame, was detained for allegedly overstaying his visa. He has since left the US. We are losing all our gems!!
Aaron Rodgers revealed yesterday that he got married in a surprise wedding a few months ago. Okay, get surprise-vaccinated next.
Congrats @tiadeeznuts! Thank you for your service.

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