World War III summer is here!

Can we go back to when our only plight was fighting fascism in America again? I’m tired!

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Jun 13, 2025

Draft-dodger to celebrate birthday with a military parade

You know it’s a bad news day when a senator getting thrown to the ground is potentially the lightest story of the day. The news heading into the weekend was already brutal, and only got more intense last night when Israel struck Iran. It’s a very scary time all around, so please try to take care of yourselves this weekend! We get into all of it in today’s newsletter, as well as Trump’s military-wet-dream birthday party, No King’s Day, Rand Paul’s picnic invite, Arnold Schwarzenegger, dating app height filters, and more.

Country Over Party

I would never begrudge any woman her birthday week, month, or even year. I would begrudge her a $45 million military parade, though. And yet, like an insecure boyfriend sending gym selfies, Trump is throwing himself a massive 79th party. Technically, it’s to celebrate the 250th birthday of the army. Why the army, you ask, rather than the 250th birthday of the country? Because the country wasn’t born on the same day as Trump, I assume. Seventy-nine is not 250, but it is still really old.

Anyway, our president is celebrating by spending tax dollars on a massive

military parade. That’s right – 7000 soldiers and millions of pounds of hardware will roll through Washington D.C. tomorrow, costing an estimated $16 million in damage to the streets alone. In total, the parade is expected to cost at least $25-45 million, according to an army spokesperson (fun reminder that as many as 16 million people could lose their healthcare as a result of Trump’s budget bill). The thousands of troops will wear uniforms that represent every major US conflict, including the Civil War, the Revolutionary War, and the Lively-Baldoni Feud (probably). When Kamala Harris campaigned with republican Liz Cheney, they put up a big banner behind them that read “Country Over Party.” The double entendre was Veep-ish at the time, but now it’s just chilling. Is tomorrow the official country over party?

Maybe not. The rest of us aren’t going down without a fight. Over 1,800 protests are planned nationwide for “No Kings Day,” which is exactly what it sounds like. As the group behind the protests writes: “In America, we don’t do kings. They’ve defied our courts, deported Americans, disappeared people off the streets, attacked our civil rights, and slashed our services. The corruption has gone too far.” Trump has threatened that protesters will be met with force, which is blatantly unconstitutional, but what else is new? Read more.

Senator Alex Padilla handcuffed in Los Angeles

I find politicians as annoying as everyone else does, but what happened to Senator Alex Padilla (D-CA) yesterday is NOT okay! Here’s what’s up: Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem held a press conference in LA regarding the ICE raids. Padilla showed up to ask her a question – since, you know, it’s his constituents on the other end of this administration’s brutal crackdowns – but before he could, he was forcibly removed by law enforcement, pushed to the ground, and handcuffed. The videos are PSYCHO, he is literally on the floor writhing and kicking!! The White House claims Padilla failed to identify himself (and who could expect Noem to know some rando Senator from the country’s most populous state???), but that account doesn't hold much water because in the video, Padilla explains that he’s a senator. Huge bummer that this can happen to senators, because my plan if I were ever attacked by law enforcement was to lie and say that I, too, served in Congress. There goes that strategy!

Padilla made a similar point last night. In his words, after he was let go: “If they’re willing to do this to a United States senator representing the state of California, just imagine how it’s going with their immigration enforcement on the streets when they show up at restaurants and are trying to detain a cook or outside a Home Depot trying to detain a day laborer.” But we don’t need to imagine; there are plenty of videos and first-hand accounts of that, too. Padilla said he was granted a few minutes of Noem’s precious time after the incident, and that she did not appear remotely contrite. As JD Vance would say: “Have you said sorry once?” Read more.

“Height filters are becoming increasingly popular on dating apps. Some are concerned that these will “ruin” the apps…yeah, totally…would hate to destroy dating apps, because they’re known for working so well already…”

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

Israel strikes Iran

As if we needed anything else to worry about…last night, Israel attacked multiple targets in Iran – including their nuclear facilities – and killed several senior Iranian military officials and scientists. Israeli leaders said the move, which involved over 200 fighter jets and is the largest attack on Iran’s homeland since the Iran-Iraq war of 1980-1988, was necessary for their self-defense. Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, for his part, vowed retaliation. And he quickly followed through: not long after the strikes, Iran launched over 100 drones at Israel, according to Israeli Brig. General Effie Defrin.

One notable facet of the attacks: the US denied involvement, although some Iranian leaders have questioned that narrative. As Secretary of State, Marco Rubio posted last night: “Tonight, Israel took unilateral action against Iran. We are not involved in strikes against Iran, and our top priority is protecting American forces in the region. Israel advised us that it believed this action was necessary for its self-defense. President Trump and the administration have taken all necessary steps to protect our forces and remain in close contact with our regional partners.” Trump officials had argued against this attack, which comes as the administration had been negotiating with Iran over its nuclear program. But it’s this same nuclear program that Israeli leaders said compelled them to launch the attacks: a UN watchdog asserted recently that Iran’s nuclear program is not in compliance with its non-proliferation agreement, and expressed concern that Iran could make a nuclear weapon.

So…overall, not good. But also, not a surprise. In fact, tensions were already so high that earlier this week, the U.S. pulled its embassy staff from Iraq and other locations in the Middle East. It’s not that Trump mixed up Iraq and Iran, even though he totally would; it was because of concerns about heightened security risks throughout the region. Now, many are worried about a broader war in the Middle East, which makes what happens in the next few days particularly critical. Read more.

ON OUR RADAR

Over 290 people are confirmed dead after yesterday’s plane crash in India, and only one passenger is believed to have survived.
A court ruled that Trump can maintain control of the CA National Guard until at least early next week. Boo. The issue will be revisited next week.
Arnold Schwarzenegger brought his pet pig Arnold Snortzenegger to the premiere of Fubar Season 2. Okay cute, but where’s Patrick??
Dua Lipa and Callum Turner are engaged, and she says she’s “obsessed” with her ring. Well, that’s what counts.
And very important follow-up from yesterday: Rand Paul was reinvited to the White House picnic last night. I hope he had a nice time.
Congrats @alfienxo! Thank you for your service.

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